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Don't kick a man when he's down, unless you're certain he won't get up.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades, now THAT'S a message! 

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. 

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

We waste time, so you don't have to. 

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. 

If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply, because they will stop making it. 

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.