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The Worst Jokes Ever [are you ready?]

Two peanuts walk into a rowdy bar. One was assaulted. 

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra... 

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two antenna meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great. 

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really, really heavy."

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel. 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, and when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 

credit: Jeevan