Impulsive Aries people like to party and
sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak
makes them prone to closing time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks,
and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people
drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods
fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that
whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They
can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and
done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely
pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full on zonk. Since a truly
intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of
bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and
tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud
and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of
us.† This is not to say that the
Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get,
er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing
to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
Geminiís can drink without changing their
behavior much -- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned
that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with
finesse and allusions, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced
state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminiís possess the magic
ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky)
with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every
round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow
drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra
wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting,
can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs
must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret
parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood
style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and
emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better
than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your
favorite Cancer.† Even your
second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and
you'd be adored if you served up vanilla vodka and soda.
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're
often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing
their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite
aware they're darling -- Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know
their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they
get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the
one what brung them.†† But Leo's not
the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try
harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to
you the next day.
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose
order onto their bender.† Their
famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other
signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking
down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully
shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect,
but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when
walloped.†† It's dead sexy (and
surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm
going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight."†† A toast to the subgenius IQ!
"I'm jusht a social drinker,"
slurs Libra,† "it's jusht that
I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle
and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with
Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra
side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a
room.† Charming as they are, Libras
are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into
all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too
early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even
blacking out the nightís events entirely. Oops!
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had
enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep
tippling till they're hog whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite.
Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most
of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a
personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek
total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant
conversationalists and dizzying flirts.†
They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you
were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in
When buttered, they'll spill all your
secrets and many of their own.†
Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with.
This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the
sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?).† They're the people who chat up everyone
in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else --
like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun.† Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high
possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
Capricorn is usually described as
practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get
left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of
David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true
rock star:† independent, powerful
and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money
being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars,
they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little
social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they
can hook up with a cute groupie.
Aquarius and drinking don't go together
that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward
know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more
stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing
an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get
combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case.
Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers.† They also make the best-designated
drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):
Aquarius is fascinated by drunken people and capable of holding interesting
conversations with soused strangers while sober.
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already
heard that you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz
Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose
themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but
they build up a mighty tolerance fast.†
Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, theyíre
fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime.† With the right Pisces, you can start out
sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The
phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.