Women's and Men's English

WOMEN'S ENGLISH 

1. Yes = No. 
2. No = Yes. 
3. Maybe = No. 
4. We need = I want. 
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry. 
6. We need to talk = I need to complain. 
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to. 
8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. 
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 
10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead. 
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. 
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. 
13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. 
14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive. 
15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. 
16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 
17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. 
18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like. 

MEN'S ENGLISH 

1. I am hungry = I am hungry. 
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy. 
3. I am tired = I am tired. 
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 
5. I love you = Let's have sex now. 
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question. 
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you. 
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you. 
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you. 
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you. 
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you. 
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next three minutes. 
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you. 
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.