MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"
MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that junk off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Again with the hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"
PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."
And, of course, these two, who really did have Jewish mothers:
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Couldn't you do something about your hair?"
MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."